Dropping the F-bomb.

I’m holding my hands up…I’m a sweary mum. I TRY my hardest to keep it clean whilst Charlotte is around but if some knobhead (oops) cuts me up in traffic I am likely to call him (or her) out on it at high volume and it comes out of my mouth before I remember to censor it for my 5 year old’s ears.


My attention was brought to my effusive language after catching Charlotte dropping some form of F bomb whilst walking away from me not once, but twice this week. My heart sank. I’m a failure as a mum. 

“What a silly, naughty man” is sooo much less cathartic than “What a fucking dick” though, don’t you think? 

I hardly ever remember my parents swearing when I was younger. We would get reprimanded if we said ‘crap’ which seems to be a pre-watershed word nowadays. Bugger was ok, just. Bother was preferred. When pushed during my teen years my mother may have uttered the f word but sort of muted herself when she said it. Much like when your nanna has to say ‘lesbian’. 

I obviously did not inherit this restraint.

Nope, I’m the mum who swears and then wishes she hadn’t because she isn’t quite sure if the mum she’s talking to is a kindred spirit or one of those mum’s who suddenly look like you’ve hurt their delicate ears when you call someone a wanker.

I’ve also come to realise I’m the colleague who swears. Open plan offices are not ideal for this. My job makes me say ‘for fucks sake’ approximately 100 times a day so keeping that internalised would surely be bad for my health! Luckily my team mates are well aware of my colourful language but I’m sure not everyone approves. 

I wish I was more mild mannered and I have tried, but it’s too hard to keep all the effing and jeffing in and filter it to a more child friendly/ work friendly chiding and so I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not the end of the world. 

Telling someone ‘I fucking love you’ makes it seem all the more true and heartfelt (sniff), telling someone they have acted like a dick helps you get your point across more strongly and if Charlotte needs to try these words out at home then it’s not the end of the world. I would be a pretty massive hypocrite if I said she couldn’t use those words wouldn’t I?! 

It’s parents evening this week though so we’ll see if she’s been dropping them anywhere else as well. 😬

10 reasons why having a messy car is a good thing.

A few weeks ago Charlotte and I went on a trip down to Devon to visit some friends. She said she had a tummy ache the night before but, unfortunately, because of her Coeliac Disease this can be a common occurrence so I have to say I kissed her goodnight and hoped it would go away by the morning.

 

It didn’t, she woke saying she was feeling sick, but, yet again I dismissed it especially as she ate a tub of yoghurt! So I gave her some calpol and packed her in the car along with our luggage.

It started so well…

25 miles from home on a bypass with no lay-bys she began complaining of feeling sick again so I just said we’d stop for some food soon and she was probably hungry. Turns out she wasn’t hungry, she was actually sick and proceeded to vomit over herself and my car.

 

After driving another 4 miles before finding a lay-by, I pulled in and ran around to her side of the car. It was a massacre, she’d covered everything so I looked around for anything that could help me and, because I’m a lazy, messy mum and my car is an outpost of my kitchen, bathroom cabinet, wardrobe and toy cupboard combined I found everything I needed.

 

Multi suface cleaner wipes for the chair and car seat. Check.

 

Half a bottle of water for Charlotte to wash her mouth out with. Check.

 

Tesco carrier bag to put all contaminated items in. Check.

 

Change of clothes for her. Check.

 

Raincoat for me as it was also pissing it down. Check.

My ingenious homemade sick bucket…craft bloggers will be quaking in their boots! 

This life event made me realise that actually a messy car isn’t so bad.  Yes, it can be embarrassing when you get tricked into having to give a non-parent a lift somewhere but I also came up with 10 reasons it’s actually essential that your car is messy.

 

1. You will always have baby wipes somewhere in the car. This can clean sticky fingers, sticky faces, sticky dashboards, sticky steering wheels (hey, I’m not one to judge!)
2. You can fashion a miniature sick bucket for a miniature human being because once bitten, twice shy.
3. You will always have reading material. That time when you’re stuck on the M5, everyone’s turned their engines off and your phone battery dies. What’s better than Biff and Chips ‘Sit me up’ or an old cereal box that was an art project from nursery.
4. You will also always have something to eat. Granted it may have been on the floor under the seat for an undetermined amount of time but, if it ever gets to the point where you’re contemplating a Bear Grylls type survival technique, fear not. That half pack of Wotsits will keep you alive for at least another half hour.
5. You will always have a coat. It may not be for the right season or go with what you’re wearing but it’s another layer so stop whinging.
6. Your child will also have a spare set of clothes should you need them. Maybe a ‘hold on, we’re just near the services’ accident, or a ‘just take a little sip and then put the lid back on’ accident…whichever you will definitely be able to change them. Ok, the tights might be a bit small but no one will know under the Tangled fancy dress outfit.
7. And speaking of fancy dress outfits you will never be caught short at nursery’s Pirates and Princesses days that you heard nothing about until that morning. That blunt eyeliner rolling around your footwell is perfect to draw a couple of scars and an eyepatch! Voila!
8. About to send your car for an MOT and realise you don’t have any windscreen wash? Rather than being charged £5 for them to fill it up for you so it passes just empty all the half drunk bottles of Evian into the water tank in the lay-by before you get to the garage (and then use a baby wipe to clean your hands).
9. If you can’t stand to hear ‘Are we nearly there yet?’ one more time then have a feel down the side of your seat and you will definitely be able to find a CBeebies CD or a Greatest Hits of Bonnie Tyler CD there. Pick whichever will make your ears bleed least.
10. Hair not quite sitting the way you want this morning? Dig down the back of the passenger seat and there will definitely be two Peppa Pig hair clips and, if you’re lucky, a headband with fluorescent pigtails protruding from the top. New look, sorted.

 

You’re welcome people!

Have I missed anything off? Let me know what you have found in your footwell recently in the comments below!

30 things I’ve learnt since being 30.

It was my birthday last week and I’m now the ripe old age of 32.  A huge amount seems to have happened over these past two years, some of which is documented on this very blog as I started writing just after my 30th birthday.  I feel like I have learnt a lot, sometimes the hard way and some I have just happened upon through pure fluke so I’ve jotted them down to remind me.  Some are a bit deep, others entirely the opposite but all are true to me.

1. Having children doesn’t mean you must cut your hair shorter. I for one look awful with shorter hair.
2. I can, pretty much, make it through any challenging situation…just.
3. You only live once. A cliché but a damn true one so make the most of it!
4. Your health matters, so pay attention to it.
5. Experimenting is a good idea in all areas of your life…food, fashion, f…(you get the idea).
6. Making a mistake is not the end of the world.
7. Tell your real friends you love them.
8. Unfollow or unfriend people off Facebook or Instagram whose posts irritate you.
9. I still don’t like goats cheese no matter how many times I try it.
10. If I stop moving I seize up and it’s a lot more difficult to get going again.
11. You will meet amazing friends in the strangest places if you are willing and open to find them.
12. I wear my heart on my sleeve which can sometimes means it gets bruised more easily..
13. Earl Grey tea is actually very nice.
14. My wardrobe now has less clothes that are better quality, rather than the other way around.
15. Same with my make up.
16. Bright lipstick isn’t actually that scary.
17. Sometimes I would rather eat an amazing salad that something deep fried.
18. Saying ‘No’ and standing your ground is amazingly empowering.
19. You are allowed to aspire to be in a job which you love…goals are good.
20. Dresses actually suit me much better than trousers.
21. Being selfish isn’t always a bad thing.
22. Doing something good for someone (even if very small) is one of the best ways to boost your mood.
23. I now ‘mum dance’ but I still do it anyway.
24. All parents are winging it.  They are lying if they tell you other wise.
25. Despite all my body hang ups people still seem to find me attractive, therefore I shouldn’t worry about them so much.
26. I’m now much less tolerant of just smiling and nodding.
27. My eyes are my best feature. (Sorry boobs)
28. Netflix is definitely worth the membership fee.
29. Being a single mum means my daughter is my best friend and my enemy number 1 all at the same time.
30. Being a single mum is incredibly hard work but incredibly rewarding.

Back to basics for us.

Another long hiatus from me I’m afraid. I don’t know how other bloggers do daily posts…weekly seems difficult enough for me! But then maybe their not juggling all the other things too. Work is full on, home is full on and I’m now taking on the challenge of being a completely gluten free household too as, after the biopsy, we had confirmation that Charlotte does indeed have Coeliac Disease. Just what we needed!   

  
So I’m now trying to work out what this means and how it will affect our lives…so far I’ve come to the conclusion that it will affect it a lot! 
I have to admit I have become a lazy cook. We go out for food quite often and we eat ‘easy’ foods. I’m not happy with this scenario as I used to love cooking and trying new things but time has not been on our side and I’ve recently been picking the easiest options. After a trip to Bill’s Restaurant and Starbucks I’ve realised this can not be the way forward. The options available for a four year old Coelic are non existent and this in turn means a hungry child and a stressed out mum! So I’m going to have to go back to basics, meal planning and cooking from scratch. Great! When the hell in going to fit all this in I’m not sure yet! 

  
My high pressure project had a very brief quiet moment last week and I had time to take stock and realise that Charlotte has actually been quite poorly and getting worse over the past few months. Cue ‘worst mum in the world feeling’. She’s tired all the time, she’s waking during the night again, she’s grumpy and so am I and she is catching every bug going. I have also slowly been gaining more and more weight because of this unhealthy lifestyle we’ve slipped into so we need the change but I’m petrified. There’s so much to take in and implement and it seems so overwhelming. So rather that deal with it right now we’re running away on holiday in the hope we’ll both be rejuvenated enough so get cracking on the change when we get back. 

  
So now I have to focus on washing and ironing in order to pack and work out what the hell i’m going to wear by a swimming pool so I don’t look and feel like a beached whale. 
Anyone got a tarpaulin I could borrow?? 

I am not Superwoman

Well, its official, my mind is a mess, my body is a mess, my house is a mess and my parenting style is a mess.  I have been working long hours for a hellish project and it has taken its toll on every part of me. This week I’ve cried in the office over a very small thing, I’ve cried at home over big and small things. I’ve had a very poorly tummy (I will say no more on that right now), I’ve stared at my massive washing up pile every evening for the past four days but have not yet washed it up and I’m being a shit mum as all I want to do is come home and veg on the sofa when Charlotte wants me to play and we have eaten crap way too often recently (thank goodness nursery gives her real food).  

 I am apparently part time and have the salary that goes with it, yet I have also worked more than full time hours over the past few weeks and have been logging on at home in the evenings just to get stuff done.  This is not a recipe for a happy, well-balanced life is it?

 So I’m thinking about going to the doctors to be signed off for a bit after long and teary discussions with lots of my friends because I’m not sure I can do it anymore. But something is stopping me and I can’t quite figure out what.  Pride, maybe. Stubbornness, maybe.  Conscientiousness, maybe. Worried about the stigma, maybe.  But I think it’s mainly down to the fact that, even though I know it’s utter bullshit, somewhere inside of me still seems to think I should be fucking Superwoman!!  This fictional character who is able to deal with all areas of life effectively, all the time.  Whose house is spotless. Whose children don’t have tantrums and do eat broccoli. Whose nails are perfectly manicured at all times and who can still hold down a full time job and keep up with the high stresses in her job.  Single mum or not Superwoman has her shit together

 Well being Superwoman and ‘having it all’ seems like a quick way into an early grave, so, as one of my friends said, I need to choose my priorities.  Surprisingly work comes nowhere near the top of this list so I need to make sure it’s not at the top of my stress list either. 

 I feel a revelation coming on. #iamnotsuperwoman

 

 

It just sucks.

Nothing sucks more than being a single mum with a job and a poorly child.

Oh but wait, it sucks even more when you’re battling an evil cold yourself and you have deadlines looming for some pretty high profile work.

It sucks even more that you are run down as hell because you’ve been running yourself ragged for work for the past six months and not stopped.

It sucks even more that you have to choose between looking after your poorly child who just wants mummy cuddles or dropping her off with grandma so you can get to work and try and get some things crossed off the very long to do list.

It sucks that I changed to being a part-time working mum in the hope it would give me a better work-life balance, but it’s just ended up with me being paid less for trying to cram the same amount of work (maybe even more!) into four days rather than five.

It sucks that I constantly feel at least one step behind at work and one (or ten or twenty) steps behind at home.

So, in summary, being a working mum sucks.

Freedom.

My ex had Charlotte for five days this week so it was a weird way to start the year, he even had the dog so I had no alarm clock other than my actual alarm clock to wake up to!! No sodden sheets to change from our ‘dry at night’ attempts and complete and utter freedom (apart from having to go to work). No chocolate spread on toast to spread and cut exactly correctly. I could eat what I wanted and, as I had promised to eat better it was lovely to eat all the things Charlotte won’t. Prawns, salmon, steak…huge amounts of vegetables and I even had the chance to make lunches for the next day. It took me about two days to miss her more than the normal amount. Things just didn’t seem right without my little sidekick!
I also had plans of the romantic kind for a couple of nights whilst I had my freedom but, as usual they disappeared along with the romantic interest. I haven’t spoken about dating much as I haven’t really been dating much. Everything else in my life had been so busy and stressful that men just seemed to be adding to this so I swore them off for a bit…and then a blast from the past turned up and I decided to give him another chance. Why, I have no idea. I can only blame the fact that we have history and he had a hold on me so I believed his bullshit yet again…however it was officially the last chance he got. I am so done and this time I felt strong enough and angry rather than upset so I made sure I told him so. I said no. I don’t deserve to be treated like that, so no more. So it was nice to be able to mope for that evening but he definitely won’t be getting any more tears from me. I did, however, get this amazing belated Christmas present from a friend. I couldn’t possibly comment as to whether I had a go or not.* 

Another Tiger store amazing item!

 
I’ve also been waiting for some results back from the hospital as late last year I had an abnormal result from a smear test and had to go in for a colposcopy. This is when someone looks up your lady parts with, what looks like, a pair of binoculars on a stand. They also have a live feed so I was lucky enough to see my cervix up close and personal. Not something many people can say I’m sure. They took a biopsy the week before Christmas and to say it put a dampener on Christmas celebrations was an understatement. I also felt like I’d been punched hard in the vagina for a couple of days which was less than ideal. I had previously been told that what they had found seemed low risk, but I couldn’t help but worry. On Friday I had a letter saying that I didn’t need any further treatment at this time which can only be good thing. I also found out that January is Cervical Cancer Awareness month so if you have hidden or ripped up the letter saying you’re due for your smear test please book it and go. It’s such a small amount of your time and could save your life. 

Get your appointment booked!!

 
So a positive and negative which evens out I guess. Let’s see what this week brings! 

*i did.

Goodbye 2015

As is a custom on this day each year I wish you all a happy new year and wonder where the bloody hell 2015 went??  I am also picking up my keyboard, blowing the dust off and posting something on my blog, which hasn’t happened for some time!  I guess I just got fed up of always posting depressing reads and longed for the day I could post something positive that I wouldn’t have to take back a week later because my judgement of a situation maybe wasn’t quite the real deal.

But after an exhausting few months at work, various health scares and hospital visits for both myself and my friends and family I just didn’t feel like picking up the pen to fill you lovely people on yet another crappy moment of my life so I went quiet. But I did miss posting…and reading comments from my lovely readers lots.

Just a little round up of the festive season. 

 

Taking a glance back to my last New Years post, I actually have done lots of the things I said I would for which I’m very proud!  I have got a new job and even a promotion at that!  I finally moved house and, I (with help from my miracle worker/sleep consultant) even sorted out Charlottes sleep, meaning I had more me time and a happier daughter too!  I’m not sure I’ve yet learned what I should do with that time but that’s part of my goal for this year.

So on to 2016 and this time around my main goal is to say “no” more. 

My new mantra…

I am a people pleaser.  I am well aware of it and it’s a family trait. I like making other people happy, I like volunteering for things, and I like to keep busy.  I get a warm and schmushy feeling when I help out but I have begun to find that being this person all the time is actually detrimental to my health and wellbeing.  I book myself up to keep busy and help others and then moan because I don’t have enough time to keep on top of the day to day things that would help me live a calmer life. So, for once, I’m going to be selfish. Not in a’selfish bitch’ way but I’m going to come first for a while and look after me. (OK, let’s be honest, I’m always going to be second to Charlotte but that would be a major improvement!)

One of the things I enjoy doing is writing my blog and I’m hoping that I haven’t lost all my readers and I can pick up the pen and keep you posted.

Please let me know what your goals are for the year in the comments below and I hope you all had a lovely Christmas break.

Putting down the glass…for a bit.

One of the upshots of my horrendously hungover Sunday was that I decided to *read ‘was forced to’ give the booze a rest for a bit. My stomach was threatening murder if I attempted it for the first couple of days but now, after a very long, tiring week where I would have usually turned to the never ending bottle of dry white wine in the fridge; I have learnt that a cup of tea or a soft drink is actually fine and the world will not end if I don’t partake. There’s also far fewer calories in them as well, which my summer wardrobe will be glad of. 

It has also re-taught me that I don’t NEED a glass of wine or a gin and tonic despite how much I think I do. It’s nice to have one but it does not have to be an accompaniment to all my activities as I had started to find it doing.

Don’t worry I’m not giving up the booze, (I’m not sure how fun this blog would be if I did!) I’m just having a rest for a little bit. I’m sure my waist line, liver and bank balance will thank me…even if it’s just for this week!

In other news I am seriously thinking about attending BritMums Live this year and wondered if any of my fellow mummy bloggers, who are also lovely enough to read my blog will be attending or have attended before? Would be great to hear your thoughts on it and the logistics of it all! Oh and also meet you if I do end up getting there! 😊

The weekly round up

Lordy Lordy this week has thrown me some curve balls!! I apologise for the lack of posting this week, I managed to start three posts and not complete any of them – high fives all round for finishing ability!

As you know – mainly because I’ve been whinging about it for the past three months – this week was my first full time week at work and Charlotte’s first full time week at nursery and I was dreading it. My zen/calmness that Jennie had helped me so much with went out the window and my brain just stopped working! On Wednesday I started to panic that I wouldn’t be able to cope, I hadn’t even done the extra day yet! I posted in mummy forums asking how the hell anyone else coped, I started looking at cleaning ladies even though I know for a fact my budget won’t stretch to that and I started to trawl every job sites the off chance I’d be able to pick up a better job that paid more money immediately so I didn’t have to finish the week!

Melodramatic? Me? Never?

Turns out, despite Charlotte waking at 4.30am on Friday morning and declaring she was hungry and wouldn’t go back to sleep until she’d eaten two rounds of toast…Friday wasn’t all that bad. It was even, dare I say it…fun? Just the fact that it was casual Friday made a difference, the fact it was quiet enough so I could actually get work done was good and I also decided to instigate dressing up for Red Nose Day next week so there was even some laughing and smiling going on round the team. Something seriously frowned upon for the rest of the week.

Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t all sunshine and light. I heard some sad news on Tuesday about my sister in law to be’s grandma, we had mega meltdowns after nursery on at least three occasions. We had Charlotte’s dad randomly offering to pick her up from nursery on Thursday and take her out to dinner and entirely messing up bedtime. I thought I’d be able to get my food shopping done so popped home to grab some bags and my vouchers and they turned up! Queue meltdown and lots of “Mummy don’t go’s” and I’m dragging myself out the door leaving my ex with Charlotte in my house shouting instructions about food in the freezer. Not ideal but that was how desperate we were for milk and bread and I also didn’t want to be in the same room as him for any longer than absolutely necessary. I came back an hour later and she was asleep on the sofa and he was watching Top Gear. Had she eaten, no. Had she had a bath or at the very least been charged into her pjs, no. Fuming was an understatement. I had, so far, had three nights of her sleeping through from 7.30pm ish to 7am and I knew, just knew, that she’d now wake up being hungry at a horrible time of the morning. And voila 4.30am it was. And just to top off the week, I managed to have an epic fall on Saturday and sprain my ankle, so now hobbling like an old lady and moving at the same speed as an arthritic snail. No alcohol or skyscraper heels involved either!!

But, as its end of year review time and you should always start and end with good points (the shit sandwich, I think it’s called) a few other good things that happened in my week:
Charlotte recited her bedtime routine to me. We’ve been working on getting the routine cracked in The Ultimate Toddler Sleep Programme and the fact that she’s aware there is a routine makes me feel like I am actually doing my job properly and the programme is working (although I knew that bit before now)
I ate vaguely healthily all last week – I even took food in for lunch rather than wasting money on the crap food at the canteen. 100 frugal points to me!
I currently have three people who want to take me out on a date. Only problem is I have no time to take them up on their offers!
An old friend got in touch this week and it has been really great caching up, weird but good.
I have now seen my BFF in a variety of wedding dresses and am getting more and more excited!!! Eeek!!!
Two more weeks until my brother gets married and I finally get my sister-in-law!! Double Eeek!! (Although let’s not mention how snug the bridesmaid dress is at the moment!)

Hope you all have a good week!!