Barefaced

I never thought of myself as a ‘make up’ person.  I just wear mascara because as a ginger/blond-ish person I generally look half asleep if I don’t. I wear some sort of base just so that my rosy cheeks don’t make me look like I’ve been on the wine all day (I promise I haven’t!) and so it covers some of the dark circles under my eyes, but that is usually it. I was also briefly an Avon rep but had to give it up as I was spending all/more of my earnings on the very same make up I was supposed to be selling, but I definitely wasn’t a ‘make-up’ person…or so I thought.

However, a couple of weeks ago, on a Friday night before going to the theatre with a friend, I lost my make-up bag.

 It was my own fault for a) trying to apply make-up whilst walking, b) having a small bag which was, as usual bursting at the seams and c) not being remotely aware of the world around me and, in my defence it was the end of a stressful week. I’d just finished work after a 9-hour day and I was knackered and somehow between the carpark and the restaurant I was meeting my friend at, I lost my make-up bag…with all my make up in it.

And I cried.

I’ll just go back to the bit about my stressful day and week for justification but that seemed like an overreaction to losing some make up, even to me!  But it wasn’t just some, it was all of it.

I’d lost my beloved Bare Minerals brush which made applying foundation or BB cream quick and easy, meaning I could do my make up in the 3 minutes from when I drove into the work carpark and when I actually exited the car to go into work. 

I’d lost my blusher which made me look a bit more alive on a cold day. 

I’d lost my bronzer which led me to believe (even for just a brief second) that I do actually tan when I go on holiday (I don’t).

I lost my eyeliner which I had just about got the hang of applying and made me look slightly more grown up and sophisticated – well I thought anyway and,

I had lost my Cath Kidston make-up bag which my brother and sister-in-law got me for my first birthday after splitting with my ex and when everything was, pretty much, falling down around my ears.

So I sat in the car and I cried…and then I realised I couldn’t fix my face because I had no make-up, so I cried a bit more.

So apparently I am a make-up person.

I also hadn’t realised how expensive the stuff is! Generally, you don’t buy your make up all in one go.  You slowly build a collection, working out what brands, colours, textures you like, spending time and effort culturing this collection that will help you face the day. £5 here, £7 there.  So having to walk into Superdrug on a Sunday and purchase everything in one go was a bit of an overwhelming situation for both myself and my wallet.  I forgot what skin tone I had, I forgot how some mascaras just irritate my contact lenses and I look like a panda by lunchtime. I forgot that, unless its fool proof, I’m going to fuck it up and unless its quick I’m not going to use it. But after what seemed like hours hovering over all the make-up stands (so much so the ‘security’ had started to loiter close to me) I put all the novelty items back. I gave up trying to fit everything in with the myriad of BOGOF, 2for1 and spend ‘£20 get a free contouring set’ deals and gathered together a selection of, what I think, are fool proof items to start my new collection, and do you know what?  I don’t think I’ve done too badly.

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Morning mopey thoughts.

I woke up today feeling a little bit sorry for myself. I had some quiet time to think whilst Charlotte slept in after a late night last night. This feeling could be because of many things I’m sure as its been a pretty crappy week, including slipping deadlines, fucking Valentine’s Day around the corner, a car parking ticket and worst of all loosing my make up bag last night which I’m utterly devastated by, but I also vocalised something a few days ago that is the crux of most of it…I have no one to talk to. 

Now, that’s not technically true I know, so I’m already making it sound worse than it is. But if you read my blog you know I’m not generally a pessimist. I have lots of friends I talk to and I am very very grateful for that. What I actually mean, however, is I have no one to rant about how crap my day was whilst I take off my coat and they hand me a glass of wine and just listen. I know, I know, this wouldn’t strictly happen either because I have a four year old who starts screaming for ‘Paw Patrol’ as soon as we get in the house but most people do have someone to come home to. Whether it be a flat mate, parents or a partner, they can still play that vital role in your life. It’s usually a two way thing but it just lightens the load of a heavy day and I’ve come to realise that I’m really missing that.

I have a dog to come home to, who has inevitably vomited in the house somewhere whilst I’ve been out or chewed one of charlottes toys so it is no longer usable. That’s not a particularly calming way to start an evening.

I guess I just want someone around to give me a hug and tell me it will all be alright because sometimes that’s all you need.

For now this will have to do.

Putting down the glass…for a bit.

One of the upshots of my horrendously hungover Sunday was that I decided to *read ‘was forced to’ give the booze a rest for a bit. My stomach was threatening murder if I attempted it for the first couple of days but now, after a very long, tiring week where I would have usually turned to the never ending bottle of dry white wine in the fridge; I have learnt that a cup of tea or a soft drink is actually fine and the world will not end if I don’t partake. There’s also far fewer calories in them as well, which my summer wardrobe will be glad of. 

It has also re-taught me that I don’t NEED a glass of wine or a gin and tonic despite how much I think I do. It’s nice to have one but it does not have to be an accompaniment to all my activities as I had started to find it doing.

Don’t worry I’m not giving up the booze, (I’m not sure how fun this blog would be if I did!) I’m just having a rest for a little bit. I’m sure my waist line, liver and bank balance will thank me…even if it’s just for this week!

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In other news I am seriously thinking about attending BritMums Live this year and wondered if any of my fellow mummy bloggers, who are also lovely enough to read my blog will be attending or have attended before? Would be great to hear your thoughts on it and the logistics of it all! Oh and also meet you if I do end up getting there! 😊

Down with love

IMG_2462.JPGI have to be honest with you (why stop now!) the looming holiday of love and kisses and vomit inducing cards has got to me a bit this year.

Last year I was happy just ignoring it and getting on with my day. I’d just got back from an awesome long weekend in Amsterdam with my best friend, I spent the day with Charlotte and I was debating signing up to match.com after various drunken conversations we’d had in the city of tulips (or clogs…or red lights… whatever it’s called!) I didn’t want to be in a relationship at that time, I was just feeling a bit more ready to have a look out there. I honestly have no recollection of what I did that day/eve but it was definitely not crying in a corner with a bottle of wine clutched to my chest…which is pretty much where I’m at right now. Either that or I want to go out, get very drunk and dance my arse off.

It has just so happened that the big V day has landed upon a Saturday which is my ex’s weekend with Charlotte. I usually love my free Saturdays. It would be great luck that I had this weekend free if any of the 13 men I have dated actually had lasted longer than one or two dates or they had not disappeared off the end of the earth with no explanation. It would be great even if I had an ongoing flirtation with someone where there would be a hope that I’d get an unexpected card or text message or anything at some point on Saturday, but all my conversations have petered out or we’re now well and truly in the ‘friends zone’. It would be great if I had a secret admirer but when the hell does that ever happen, other than in the films. I’ve been single for 18 months now and it’s getting to be a bit rubbish. I did however get a card and cookies from Charlotte.

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Don’t get me wrong, I seriously hate all the bullshit, schmaltzy crap that is rammed down our necks for weeks before the 14th and anyone posting any of that shit on Facebook will be getting short shrift from me and I do really enjoy the time I have on my own but it would also be quite nice to share a M&S ‘three course for £10’ meal with someone whilst watching trash on the tv. No roses or jewellery needed (although I have run out of my favourite perfume). Actually, just that would be nice anytime really…

Oh well, The Notebook, a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, something covered in salted caramel and cuddles with the dog sounds just about as fun. 😳

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Wish I’d seen this sooner though so I could send to my other single friends! https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/177461742/single-girl-funny-valentines-card?

Sweet dreams?

IMG_2410.JPGI have realised that the past three years and four months have – pretty much – been dictated by Charlotte’s sleep or lack there of. That seems absolutely crazy doesn’t it? There have been a few reprieves where I thought I’d/we’d cracked it but as soon as my body and mind got used to a full nights sleep something would rock the boat. Sometimes I’ve had no idea what this something was but it has been a intensely frustrating and sleepy time.

It’s amazing how much lack of sleep affects you. (I guess it’s not really considering some countries use it as a form of torture.) I get irritated quickly. I get angry quickly. I panic easily and I just can’t seem to lead a normal life where things get done on time or completed at all. The NHS even states that…

Regular poor sleep puts you at risk of serious medical conditions including obesity, heart disease and diabetes – and it shortens your life expectancy.”

Perfect! It is a horrible state to live in and I think I’ve only recently realised just how sleep deprived I am.

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After my post a couple of weeks ago I’d nearly come to the conclusion that I would have to bring in external help. A counsellor? A sleep consultant? A cranial osteopath? I wasn’t sure what would work and whether there was any chance of me being able to afford it. After some research I realised that there the answer was probably not and I would just have to work on it myself as best I could.

Until…I followed Jennie Harrison – the Sleep Deprived Mum’s Coach Facebook page. Her posts hit home instantly as they were mainly about toddlers and when I clicked through to her website it sounded like she’d been watching my bedtime battles for a good couple of years! She had been through it all and had apparently worked out why toddlers resist sleep and how to counteract the reasons for them doing so whilst also managing to help calm mum down too. After messaging her and finding out a bit more (no crying it out, no ‘sleep training’ per se) I signed up and my eight week programme starts today.

I am looking forward to getting stuck in and to hopefully become a more coherent, patient mummy and person in general as we work on the reasons behind Charlotte’s sleep issues. I just filled in her questionnaire and I think she’s got a big job on her hands with us. I think I ticked all the boxes she gave us!

When did your sleep difficulties start? – From birth – check!
Did you have a difficult birth – check! Have you or do you suffer with PND, stress and anxiety – check!

We shall see how it goes but I am optimistic and willing to try anything. Wish us all luck and I’ll keep you posted!

What lurks beneath…

Well I got most if the way through my decorating project, although despite being able to move my wardrobe out from the wall (eventually), I can now not move it back. I keep finding spots of paints on my person and feel like I’m high from the fumes when I walk into the room because it’s too cold to have the windows open all the time (stupidly I didn’t choose one of the low fumes brands).

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But despite the fact it’s not quite done I’m proud of myself for getting on and doing it. I am one if the biggest procrastinators I know so getting started was a challenge. It is also lovely to have a bedroom that feels like it is mine and has no history. It is fresh and bright which is how I’m starting to feel again.

Obviously, before the painting comes the big sort out has to happen which has been cathartic in itself but I have come across so much stuff that I have no idea what to do with. What is the protocol when it comes to canvases of your wedding pictures that you used to have over your bed? Do you chuck it? Do you hide it away? Do you ask if your ex wants it? All of these options feel weird. It’s not like it’s ever going to be displayed again but tossing it in the trash seems harsh in someway. A photo album of wedding pics can easily be stashed on a book shelf only to be looked at periodically but an A3 size canvas??

I have also come across and amazing selection of crap from under my bed and a wide selection of make up and hair accessories I had forgotten I had! I’m not going to mention the dust behind the bed or someone will dob me into Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners and I’ll have some crazy, neurotic bleach freak knocking on my door. Everything in moderation I say…and on that note I think I deserve a glass if wine! Cheers!

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It’s her party and I’ll cry if I want to!

I have just come out the other side of planning, preparing and hosting a three year olds birthday party. Someone pass me the wine!!

Not only did I decide to hold a party for 20 of Charlotte’s closest friends (and the parents that go with them), but I decided to give myself one day of prep time as we only arrived home from hols on Friday! I am a glutton for punishment what can I say!!

I also found myself dismissing the ready made, perfectly acceptable ‘Frozen’ cake from tesco as it was £10 and I would need two. So instead I bought ingredients for a cake I could make and decorate only to realise I’d probably just spent more than £20!! The Frozen cakes also wouldn’t have involved going to bed at 12.30am last night and waking up at 6.30am this morning to ice the bloody thing! I have to say I was happy with the result and it’s always a good feeling when it’s done but…seriously…I don’t make things easy for myself do I??

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Safe to say this morning was fraught with sandwich making, cake icing, pizza cooking, salad chopping and I even managed to fit in a shower! The fact my hair wasn’t dry as we exited the flat is not the point!

Thank goodness for friends and family who helped me once we’d got there or else I may have had to sit in the corner of the village hall and rock quietly!

So now I have a threenager…help me!!