The weekly round up

Lordy Lordy this week has thrown me some curve balls!! I apologise for the lack of posting this week, I managed to start three posts and not complete any of them – high fives all round for finishing ability!

As you know – mainly because I’ve been whinging about it for the past three months – this week was my first full time week at work and Charlotte’s first full time week at nursery and I was dreading it. My zen/calmness that Jennie had helped me so much with went out the window and my brain just stopped working! On Wednesday I started to panic that I wouldn’t be able to cope, I hadn’t even done the extra day yet! I posted in mummy forums asking how the hell anyone else coped, I started looking at cleaning ladies even though I know for a fact my budget won’t stretch to that and I started to trawl every job sites the off chance I’d be able to pick up a better job that paid more money immediately so I didn’t have to finish the week!

Melodramatic? Me? Never?

Turns out, despite Charlotte waking at 4.30am on Friday morning and declaring she was hungry and wouldn’t go back to sleep until she’d eaten two rounds of toast…Friday wasn’t all that bad. It was even, dare I say it…fun? Just the fact that it was casual Friday made a difference, the fact it was quiet enough so I could actually get work done was good and I also decided to instigate dressing up for Red Nose Day next week so there was even some laughing and smiling going on round the team. Something seriously frowned upon for the rest of the week.

Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t all sunshine and light. I heard some sad news on Tuesday about my sister in law to be’s grandma, we had mega meltdowns after nursery on at least three occasions. We had Charlotte’s dad randomly offering to pick her up from nursery on Thursday and take her out to dinner and entirely messing up bedtime. I thought I’d be able to get my food shopping done so popped home to grab some bags and my vouchers and they turned up! Queue meltdown and lots of “Mummy don’t go’s” and I’m dragging myself out the door leaving my ex with Charlotte in my house shouting instructions about food in the freezer. Not ideal but that was how desperate we were for milk and bread and I also didn’t want to be in the same room as him for any longer than absolutely necessary. I came back an hour later and she was asleep on the sofa and he was watching Top Gear. Had she eaten, no. Had she had a bath or at the very least been charged into her pjs, no. Fuming was an understatement. I had, so far, had three nights of her sleeping through from 7.30pm ish to 7am and I knew, just knew, that she’d now wake up being hungry at a horrible time of the morning. And voila 4.30am it was. And just to top off the week, I managed to have an epic fall on Saturday and sprain my ankle, so now hobbling like an old lady and moving at the same speed as an arthritic snail. No alcohol or skyscraper heels involved either!!

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But, as its end of year review time and you should always start and end with good points (the shit sandwich, I think it’s called) a few other good things that happened in my week:
Charlotte recited her bedtime routine to me. We’ve been working on getting the routine cracked in The Ultimate Toddler Sleep Programme and the fact that she’s aware there is a routine makes me feel like I am actually doing my job properly and the programme is working (although I knew that bit before now)
I ate vaguely healthily all last week – I even took food in for lunch rather than wasting money on the crap food at the canteen. 100 frugal points to me!
I currently have three people who want to take me out on a date. Only problem is I have no time to take them up on their offers!
An old friend got in touch this week and it has been really great caching up, weird but good.
I have now seen my BFF in a variety of wedding dresses and am getting more and more excited!!! Eeek!!!
Two more weeks until my brother gets married and I finally get my sister-in-law!! Double Eeek!! (Although let’s not mention how snug the bridesmaid dress is at the moment!)

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Hope you all have a good week!!

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Back to work.

I keep starting posts about my hilarious dates that I have been on over the holidays but my timing is crap and at the moment I am seriously contemplating having to go back to work full time which takes away the flippancy of a date or two. This was a New Years decision I was hoping I wouldn’t have to make but I do and it seems like the only way for me to stay above the water at the moment…all be it still probably paddling furiously underneath!

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Another massive decision that goes along with this is having to put Charlotte in nursery full time. This one hurts my heart so much more than me having to go back full time. When I was dreaming about having children I wanted to be a stay at home mum, when I had Charlotte I knew that wasn’t going to be financially possible but I changed my hours, worked full time hours in four days and had a husband that, when in work could easily have Mondays and Tuesdays off leaving just two days to cover with nursery. When not in work he still only looked after her for the two days but that’s neither here nor there anymore. Once my marriage went down the pan and he decided that he wanted a 9-5 job the routine changed again. I could no longer do my full time hours in four days with nursery pick ups and drop offs all being my responsibility (ex lives about 45 mins away) so I changed to part time over the four days, put Charlotte in nursery one extra day and begged (something I am awful at doing) my parents to have her for a day to keep my costs down (ish). This worked for a little bit but having now done that for six months I am drowning and my overdraft is getting bigger and bigger with not much more stretch.

My parents have now decided they would like to live further down south so that’s one days nursery added and with the discount I would get for five days nursery seems like the best decision financially which also means I can go back to full time again. The fact I don’t want to doesn’t really factor in unfortunately.

So my idyllic ideals and my realistic vision are somewhat different and it still hurts a bit to realise that. I love my Fridays with Charlotte. I love my Fridays catching up with my mummy friends. I love the opportunity to make the most if my ‘long weekends’ but it’s about survival at the moment and the mummy bear instincts have kicked in so I will just have to leave her with some amazing, trusted other bears for a bit longer whilst I go out to forage for food and some bigger, more appropriate shelter and the weekends I have with Charlotte will have to be jam packed with fun times to make sure she still knows I love her and she is my top priority.

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I promise you’ll get my juicy date stories soon!!