Well that is Christmas all but over and I kind of think thank God this year! I’m normally little miss festive and have tried to put on a brave face by sorting out works Christmas do and going to see Father Christmas with Charlotte but this year the spirit has not been there at all. The only feelings I’ve had have been stress and tiredness. I have not had enough time or money to make it a fantastic Christmas or even get half the decorations up (it’s 6pm on Christmas Day and they’re still sitting in a box in my living room). My grandad is also very sick in hospital which has put a dampner on the whole families festive spirit really.
I have to admit part of my Bah Humbug mood is to do with jealousy and all the what ifs. I didn’t get my job…what if I had? I would know that I would be getting some more money at some point and looking forward to a fresh start in the new year but instead I will be going back to the same soul sucking job I have now.
I’m not in a relationship…but everyone else seems to be. Lots of friends are having first Christmases with their babies or just having babies and it reminds me that I did want a brother or sister for Charlotte and I miss those exciting firsts of everything. Now it just seems to be first swear word, first tantrum in sainsburys, first time she makes me cry from hitting me…
We also seemed to have been struck down with various lurgies over the past couple of months so either Charlotte or I (or both) are coughing our guts up or sneezing as if we were Santa who’d got stuck up the chimney! Delightful! So we are just a generally grumpy household at the minute and I think we really need to use the new year as a stepping off point towards a happier time for both of us. I WILL conquer Charlotte’s sleep issues, I WILL get a new job, I WILL sell my flat and get a house with some outdoor space and we WILL enjoy Christmas 2015. A lot to get done so I might as well start preparing now as I have to house to myself whilst Charlotte has her second Christmas with her dad. I’m also thinking new year, new hair colour or is that just a step braver than I dare to be?
Hope you’ve all had a lovely day…I really mean that…honest xx